There are a couple of big decisions I need to make in my life. To tell you the truth, they have been plaguing me for a long time. Whenever anyone asks me how things are going (especially those who I feel the need to "catch up" with) I ramble on...telling of my latest and greatest train of thought in this dreaded decision-making process. Who knows what I'm even saying? Who cares? If I was to be completely truthful, I would say that my ramblings are just a form of procrastination. The fact that I tell people, "I'm trying to decide..." is just a way of me putting off the actual decision itself.
One of the decisions is whether or not I am going on a mission trip to Columbia. It's coming up very soon, and I feel myself making the decision in a very passive and cowardly way...simply by means of not doing anything. I have not gotten my passport. I have not looked into what shots I need to get. I could not even tell you the dates of the mission trip. I am embarrassed by my lack of action. Looking at myself from the outside, I would love to say that I am a "go-getter," but alas, I am blatantly letting this opportunity pass me by.
I am feeling remorse about this, because I feel like going on a mission trip is something that I do, in fact, want to do. Really! I do! Then why am I not jumping at the chance to go?? It makes no sense.
I can tell you this...I have not been in consistent prayer about this decision. I have not fervently asked God to provide direction or wisdom. I am relying solely on my human ways of reasoning...and look where it's gotten me. My stomach is twisted in knots and I cringe every time someone mentions the word "mission" because I know what I've done...or should I say what I've not done.
So what am I going to do about it? Give myself a swift kick in the butt and take some action!
Step 1: PRAY. Pray that God will zap me with motivation and vigor. Pray that Jesus will help me to not take this life He has given me for granted. Pray that the Holy Spirit will calm my spirit and help me to find my worthiness in Him alone. (If you know me, love me, and see or talk to me, please ask me if I'm doing this!)
Step 2: Fill out the application for a passport that was lovingly placed on our kitchen counter by my oh-so-supportive husband (thank you for pushing me to always be better, Patrick!).
Step 3: TURN IT IN (I suppose I need to figure out where exactly to turn it in to...) This way there will be one less excuse next time a mission opportunity comes up. Sneaky, sneaky...
Step 4: Write down the reasons why I want to go on a mission trip. This way they will be more tangible to me, versus something I just say to make myself feel like a better human being.
Ok, I better stop there. I get overwhelmed with long lists of tasks way too easily.
If I was a friend of myself and I came to myself for advice on making this decision. I would say this, "Take tangible steps of action, as if you have made the decision one way or the other. Pray for God to raise up red flags if it is the wrong decision, and for Him to clear the path of obstacles if it is the right decision. The worst thing you could do is to do nothing."
Now to attempt to take my own advice.
Moral of the Story: Don't wallow in what you haven't done. Pray to the God who loves you despite and because of everything. And for God's sake...take action!
