The Doubt Monster

It's baaaaaaaaaack...

Here I am, minding my own business, trying to expand my graphic design horizons by updating my portfolio, resume, etc. All of a sudden, as I'm looking through my portfolio, I hear this voice inside my head say, "You don't have anything in here that challenges the norm. Everything in this portfolio is 'safe.' No graphic design firm in their right mind is going to be impressed with your work." I know it's harsh, but it's seriously the exact words that I heard just a moment ago! How does this happen? And what is IT?!

I call it the Doubt Monster. Dun, dun, dun. it creeps up as soon as you begin to do something in your life that could actually be great. It makes you feel like you are nothing. And the sad part is, a lot of the times, I believe it! The Doubt Monster and I have a hate hate relationship. It hates me and I hate it. I've always struggled with self-confidence. I was hoping that in life you get to a certain point where you just believe in yourself. No questions asked. You're awesome in your own mind and no one can stop you. I look around, and it sure seems like other people are to this glorious point....but not this girl.

Is that really true, though? Is anyone to the point where they never doubt themselves? The more that I think about it, the more that I believe everyone struggles with doubting themselves at certain points. It's called sin, the Devil and the fallen world around us. I know it sounds Debby Downer, but you gotta trust me on this one. It's good stuff. I just had a revelation that all of this is because of the whole Adam and Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden thing (Genesis 2:15-17, 22-25, Genesis 3:1-10). We as humans are now born with capabilities of doing "bad" things...aka sin...aka doubting ourselves and how we were made. We don't just automatically pop out of our mother's wombs thinking happy confident thoughts and expecting the same of the world around us. Think about it. As soon as Adam and Eve were aware of the knowledge of good and evil, they felt the need to cover themselves. They were embarrassed. They doubted themselves. Before they ate that apple, they knew their Maker and had full confidence in themselves and their purpose in life. It's like we're Adam and Eve and we're constantly battling that feeling of wanting to hide...feeling like we're not good enough.

Now here's where it hopefully all starts making sense. When I start doubting myself it's like a terrible downward spiral. I doubt myself, feel bad about myself, realize I'm doubting myself, and then feel bad that I'm doubting myself...you get the picture...bad, bad, bad. Instead of letting the doubt control me, I need to realize this: There is sin and doubt in the world. Every one of us experiences it (even those who appear to not!). We cannot stop what we are doing and become discouraged when we experience this doubt. We have to rise above it, knowing that God made us exactly this way for a reason. Because Jesus suffered and died in our place, sealing our victory OVER sin, we are now perfect in God's eyes. I AM awesome and the only thing that can come between me and realizing God's full potential for me is, well... ME. Basically, I need to get out of the way and trust my Creator. I am beautiful. I am wonderful. I AM a great graphic designer! And I can do anything I put my mind to.

So, take that, Doubt Monster! You have no reign in my life. That's God's place and there's no room for you here!

Moral of the Story: You will more than likely experience doubt in your life. But don't let it rule your life. Every time the Doubt Monster comes around, you can confidently push it aside, because God made you and God loves you...just the way you are.