The Doubt Monster

It's baaaaaaaaaack...

Here I am, minding my own business, trying to expand my graphic design horizons by updating my portfolio, resume, etc. All of a sudden, as I'm looking through my portfolio, I hear this voice inside my head say, "You don't have anything in here that challenges the norm. Everything in this portfolio is 'safe.' No graphic design firm in their right mind is going to be impressed with your work." I know it's harsh, but it's seriously the exact words that I heard just a moment ago! How does this happen? And what is IT?!

I call it the Doubt Monster. Dun, dun, dun. it creeps up as soon as you begin to do something in your life that could actually be great. It makes you feel like you are nothing. And the sad part is, a lot of the times, I believe it! The Doubt Monster and I have a hate hate relationship. It hates me and I hate it. I've always struggled with self-confidence. I was hoping that in life you get to a certain point where you just believe in yourself. No questions asked. You're awesome in your own mind and no one can stop you. I look around, and it sure seems like other people are to this glorious point....but not this girl.

Is that really true, though? Is anyone to the point where they never doubt themselves? The more that I think about it, the more that I believe everyone struggles with doubting themselves at certain points. It's called sin, the Devil and the fallen world around us. I know it sounds Debby Downer, but you gotta trust me on this one. It's good stuff. I just had a revelation that all of this is because of the whole Adam and Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden thing (Genesis 2:15-17, 22-25, Genesis 3:1-10). We as humans are now born with capabilities of doing "bad" things...aka sin...aka doubting ourselves and how we were made. We don't just automatically pop out of our mother's wombs thinking happy confident thoughts and expecting the same of the world around us. Think about it. As soon as Adam and Eve were aware of the knowledge of good and evil, they felt the need to cover themselves. They were embarrassed. They doubted themselves. Before they ate that apple, they knew their Maker and had full confidence in themselves and their purpose in life. It's like we're Adam and Eve and we're constantly battling that feeling of wanting to hide...feeling like we're not good enough.

Now here's where it hopefully all starts making sense. When I start doubting myself it's like a terrible downward spiral. I doubt myself, feel bad about myself, realize I'm doubting myself, and then feel bad that I'm doubting myself...you get the picture...bad, bad, bad. Instead of letting the doubt control me, I need to realize this: There is sin and doubt in the world. Every one of us experiences it (even those who appear to not!). We cannot stop what we are doing and become discouraged when we experience this doubt. We have to rise above it, knowing that God made us exactly this way for a reason. Because Jesus suffered and died in our place, sealing our victory OVER sin, we are now perfect in God's eyes. I AM awesome and the only thing that can come between me and realizing God's full potential for me is, well... ME. Basically, I need to get out of the way and trust my Creator. I am beautiful. I am wonderful. I AM a great graphic designer! And I can do anything I put my mind to.

So, take that, Doubt Monster! You have no reign in my life. That's God's place and there's no room for you here!

Moral of the Story: You will more than likely experience doubt in your life. But don't let it rule your life. Every time the Doubt Monster comes around, you can confidently push it aside, because God made you and God loves you...just the way you are.

Unexpected Kindness

Patrick and I recently celebrated our One Year Anniversary...Yay Marriage!! You can see the happy couple below:

Happy Birthday to our Marriage!

We celebrated at the lovely Historic Fairview Inn in Jackson, MS (thanks to Living Social Escapes) with a romantic weekend just far enough away from the business of life. I do hope to go back again. But then again, who wouldn't after feeling like a Queen for a weekend?!

On the way back from our celebration Patrick was driving and I was trying to get comfortable in the passenger seat, but it just wasn't working. Something was missing...and it just so happened that the missing piece was a pillow in the trunk of our car. So, Patrick, being the knight in shining armor that he is, pulled the car to the side of the road to get it for me. The road we had stopped on was one of those "Highway" roads that are two lanes with a 55 mph speed limit. Luckily it wasn't too busy...otherwise I don't think I would've let him get out...no matter how uncomfortable I was! Not 5 seconds after we stopped, another car pulled up behind us. Now, I'm not going to lie, my gut reaction was, "Oh no! What do they want!" I guess that's just the world we live in today...with all the bad news I hear on the radio. Quite the contrary, though! He was a Southern Gentleman, and he wanted to see if we needed any help! I was astonished! And then I felt really bad because A#1) I had jumped to the conclusion that he was somehow out to get us; and B#2) His stop was in vain, because we were simply a doting husband getting a pillow out of the trunk of our car for an "on the verge" cranky wife!

His unexpected kindness was a breath of fresh air, to say the least. Honestly, it made me wish I was a big, burly, man for a second, so that I could stop on the side of the road to see if a weary traveler needed help. Thanks, Richard, for stopping to help us!! And thanks for re-instating my confidence that there are indeed kindred spirits all around us.

Moral of the Story: Look for the best in those around you and you just might find that it's right there in front of your face...even when you least expect it!

Who EVER thought this could be fun?!

All right folks, get ready for the ride of your life! Get this:

I had to stop at Target today after work to pick up some ho hum items. Patrick and I even came up with a little acronym to help me remember...TTPC...toothpaste, tampons, pads and cards (of the greeting sort). Luckily Target is on my way home...so no biggie. Get in. Get out. Get home. 'nuff said.

HOWEVER...to my great and wonderful surprise, the middle two items on my list turned out to be so much more! Ta da!!

I don't know who thought of this, but they are brilliant! BRILLIANT I tell you! I never knew period supplies could be so much fun. Look at the colors! Look at the packaging! There is cool funkiness abound! Maybe it's because I'm a graphic designer. Maybe it's because I normally hate spending mulah on things like this that are normally just a means to a bitter end. Whatever it is... this new, fresh take on "feminine supplies" makes me very excited! But wait...there's more! Not only is the packaging fun and exciting, but there was a GWP (aka Gift with Purchase for those of you who haven't worked retail...thank you Bed, Bath & Beyond ;) Check out these little pretties...

For every two qualifying kotex "U" purchases your received one amazing little clutch (yes, I had a lot of schtuff to buy!). AND do you see the little goody peeking out of the pink and black clutch? That, my friends, is a little tin...and inside the tin are brightly colored little liners that you can use on the go. I'm totally going to keep the tin in my purse for those "oops, I forgot it's Wednesday of period week" moments!

Okay...sorry guys...didn't mean to dwell, but I had to share my excitement. Go kotex! Go fun surprises! And of course, Go Target! ;)

PS: I just told my hubby about this happenstance and along the same lines, he suggested to me to plan a Girls Night Out or other fun event of sorts during the week of my period every month (thanks to good old birth control...sorry if it's tmi...I can predict these sorts of things). No one else would have to know the event is due to Aunt Flo being in town. But wouldn't that be a fun little pick-me-up? Hmmm...the wheels are turning...any ideas, ladies??

Moral of the Story: Things that are seemingly dull and terrible can be somehow turned into good and wonderful with a new perspective or fun addition to the mix! Enjoy!